Worries. There are so many of them, aren't there? Gosh, if I gave in to everything I worried about....oh man, I might as well check myself in. I mean seriously. And the crazy thing is...that I have seen God handle things time and time again. He has taken my hand and walked with me when the darkness in my heart was so thick I couldn't see the step in front of me. Other times He's chosen to pick me up, carry me over and gently place me again on firm ground. And yet other times, Hes stood out in front of me, arms open....telling me to walk toward Him and asking if I trust Him THAT much. I've seen it. He's done it. So...why all the worries??
I don't know. I think sometimes I lose the reality that there is a bigger picture. Almost like its about me...and my world...and nothing better knock that off its perfect little rotation. But God sometimes has plans that we could never even imagine. And sometimes its to refine us...and make us more like Jesus. But often times...the purpose and outcome is to affect numerous other people and circumstances...and bring about a result that only God could've planned. It may happen to me...or it may include me...but its to affect a greater purpose. About ten years ago, my mom and younger brother were in a 55+ mph head-on collision about an hour south of Lima. They had to use the jaws of life to get them out. My mom was taken to the small hospital in that town...and my brother was air-lifted to Strong Memorial in Rochester. I remember my dad all shocked and scared and trying not to "lose it", asking me to drive up to Strong to be with my brother because he had to stay with mom....and he wasn't sure if she was going to make it....and he didn't know what was happening to my brother. I sobbed the entire hour and a halfish drive up to Rochester. I didn't know what was going on with my mom, and I had no idea if my brother was even alive on that helicopter or if they would declare him DOA. I talked to God the entire way. I told Him that I trusted His plan. I had no idea if my mom or brother would make it...i had no idea the damage...but I knew that I had to trust Him. I told God that if He had to take one or both of them...that I wouldn't hate Him. I might have a whole lot of questions...but I refused to live angry or bitter at the outcome. Looking back on that time...I'm surprised at the clarity of my thought processes. One would think I'd be overcome with axiety or fear....but I think that one of the Purposes God had in that circumstance....was to ask me if I trust Him....and how much. The outcome of that accident was miraculous. My mom had a broken leg and arm and her finger was "degloved"....my brother now has pins and plates all up his ankle and leg....and he had a lacerated spleen. He was in ICU for a weekish (i forget the exact amount of days)....but SERIOUSLY?!? Thats it??? A head-on collision at 55mph....its insane that they are both alive and well...and their injuries were not something much, much worse. God had a plan for others involved in that incident...but I know that God was asking me a very direct question about my deeper trust in Him...as well as the choices I would make to walk in that complete faith and trust in Him. Because...so often I see people SAY they trust God....but then friek out when the heat is turned up. We make choices about how we will act when God brings us face-to-face with a challenge....and those choices reflect our heart....and how truly trustful we are.
Theres no doubt that I trust Him. I decided that a long time ago. But isn't it amazing how our Enemy tries again and again to break us down. The story above is one that happened many years ago. It was pivotal...because I made a statement of resolve to the Lord...and no matter what the outcome was...He knew where I stood. Much like Abraham carrying Isaac to the top of the mountain. Fastforward to now....I am married to an amazing man and have three of the sweetest boys ever....and I trust God with them. But I feel in some ways that it is a daily practice for me to NOT worry about the four people that I love more than my own life. Because I know that God loves them more. My children are not really my children...they are God's children...and Hes put them in our care for X amount of years....to be a good steward of their precious lives....and ultimately lead them to Him. But it would be so easy to worry about them. To start thinking of how Jesse lost his own Dad (age 46) to cancer...and what if something happens to Jesse and the boys don't have their daddy...and hes such a wonderful daddy....and what would I ever do without him...and oh....the worries go on. And what about Judah...and the spots that he has...the doctor said I cannot jump out of bed everyday looking for new ones...thats no way to live in fear like that! And "what if" after "what if" comes up. And...do you find that when you are bombarded with worries...its not just ONE worry...its multiple worries on different levels and about things that sometimes aren't even connected to each other?? Its crazy!!! You know why? The Enemy is all about Confusion. Its His tactic. But there is a Peace that SURPASSES all understanding!!! Thats why when I am trusting God in the middle of a raging storm....I am at peace...because I trust in God...Who is PEACE. I have so many stories about trusting God. Hubby and I have seen some deep, dark valleys together....but there was and always is a Purpose. Hes made it a constant question for me....like when He asked Peter "Do you love me" three times....except for me its, "do you trust me". This morning as I was battling some worries...and again telling the Lord that He is faithful and completely worthy of all my trust...He told me, "I've already written your story. You just need to live it." It brought so much settling and peace to my soul....I realized that Hes so unconfined by space and time that Hes already been to the end of history and back countless times. He knows what is going to happen tomorrow, in two days, in two years, in twenty years, and how I live out my remaining minutes on earth. Hes already there with me. Its comforting. It makes me aware that my one and only job in this life is to love. Love God and love the people around me....thats what Jesus did in His life on earth...and it encompasses every other thing that I do and say.....funny how that Bob Marley song just popped into my head, "Don't worry...'bout a 'ting...every little 'ting...gonna be alright...." Haha. Well....goodnight everyone....and No Worries:-) Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. Awesome.
Stepping Out In Faith
6 years ago